Memoir

     Sequins. All I could think about was sequins. And jazzhands, and the stage, and all the people staring at me. But most of a the only thing I could hear was my mom. No matter what you gonna be great sweetie. Just do your best, okay? There’s no reason to be nervous. I just nodded and put on a smile just like I was gonna have to do on stage.

Still, how could she say that to a six year old who had never had a dance recital before? How could she look at my sad little face and tell me that everything was going to be fine? But I guess it was much better than just saying nothing at all. It was much better than telling me I was going to remember this day as the most embarrassing day of my life.

I felt the sweat rolling down the side of my hairline. I peered out from the back of the curtain and watched as people filed into their seats. Why can’t I be sitting there in the audience? Hidden in the dark. Watching all the action. Getting to look onto the stage and watch other people humiliate themselves. Safe.

I got a glimpse of my family. Anticipating me walking on stage and doing everything perfectly. Everything just right. But no! What if I slipped and broke my neck? Or maybe even fell off stage and died. All because of a stupid two minute tap dance.

Fast. I herd the the pumping of my heart. I inhaled a gust of hairspray and coughed. Ribbing the dry dust bunnies out of my eyelids and smudging the thick, pasty eyeliner I had on. The old stage lights flickered on. The loud buzzing in the audience stopped. I listened to my heavy breath and felt my shaking body. I checked the safety pins holding up my costume hoping they’d stay on the whole time. The music blasted on and I somehow pushed myself on stage. 

And just like that I was beaming. Literally beaming. So happy. It seemed impossible but as soon as I began the cheesy, toddler dance all the things I had been worried about slipped my mind. I caught my mothers eye and she winked. My dad was smiling and my little sister was staring straight at me. I kept going. Flinging myself around the stage listening to the music. Time flew past and with every move I got more excited. I wanted to keep going and never stop. When I was done the music stopped and the stage went black. I smiled, knowing that this wasn’t the last time I’d be doing this.